Character Interview: Melissa from Cris Beam's I AM J

Cris Beam's I Am J tells the story of "J," originally called Jennifer. Ever since he can remember, J has felt out of place in his own body. Because of this disconnect, J goes to great lengths to alter his appearance so that he will feel and be seen as a male.

Anyone who knows anyone who identifies as transgendered and anyone who'd like to know more about this experience should read this book. This interview takes place between myself and J's best friend, Melissa. She's a super spunky and complex character herself. Here's what she had to say:

When you first met J, you were much younger and taking a photography class with him. The teacher is refusing to call J anything but Jennifer. You step in and defend him even though you don’t know him. Why do this?

Oh my god, I totally remember that day! That teacher was a fool, and so uptight! Here was J, the new kid, looking completely embarrassed, and I couldn’t stand it. I mean, I’m for civil rights. My mom taught me about that when I was like five years old: nobody gets to tell you who you are. I think it’s because I’m biracial. My mom’s pretty intense, but she practically drilled that into my head.

After meeting J, you offer him a Picasso quotation: “Art is a lie that tells the truth.” What truth are you trying to tell with your dancing?

I love that quote!!!! I don’t think I’m any more “true” than when I’m dancing; it’s like I can say things with my body that I can’t say in words, even though I talk a lot. For me, dancing cuts below the bullshit, because it moves impulsively at first; it’s not trying to prove anything, the way I am when I express myself in other ways. But it’s also a lie, because what you see in dance may not be what I’m expressing exactly, but there in that seeing is a different kind of truth. There are so many layers! Oh, I can’t say it right. Just come see me dance!  
 
Though J is the primary focus of this story, you have a lot going on in your life. Why do you cut yourself? J brings it up a lot in conversations with you. Does that bother you or does it help to talk about it?

I don’t cut anymore, but yeah, I used to. And it used to drive me insane the way J would constantly bring it up like it was nothing. I think he thought I was doing it to get attention, but now I recognize that he was worried. I cut because it brought me relief: sometimes all the crazy thoughts in my head would get so intense, the only thing that would make it better was this direct and focused pain. It’s not really logical when you think about it in one way, but it made some kind of sense when I was really suffering. And yeah, now it does help to talk about it, but I have to talk about it with the right people. I go to a group. And sometimes now, when I think about cutting, I’ll do something like put an ice cube on my wrist until it really hurts. That stops the thoughts, and I don’t do any real damage.  
 
You and J have a back and forth relationship, but underneath your bickering there seems to be a deep respect between the two of you. Why do you think this is?

Well, J is my best friend, and I think he always will be. I would probably marry the guy, if he didn’t stuff his emotions so much! Seriously, underneath all that stuffing, J is really patient. I’ve lost friends over the years because of my temper and my big mouth: I always say what I think, even if I haven’t thought about it first. J has always weathered my storms, and he’s always stood by me. He’s very loyal, and I have a lot of respect for that. I think for J maybe, I help bring him out of his shell. At least I like to think I do.
 
I loved your performance at the end of the book. Without giving too much away for those who haven’t read this book yet, where did you get the strength to perform this “threshold” piece?

I don’t know if that dance was strength—or desperation. That dance came at a really bad time in my life. J had already started hormones, he was going to get into college and move away—I just knew that would happen—he had this big world ahead of him and mine was closing down. I was going to finish high school and I had screwed up my college applications. Plus, my mom was gone all the time and wasn’t paying any attention to me. Nobody was paying attention to me. I was going to be a dried-up dancer at eighteen. Or that’s what I thought. I had this big pain inside that I couldn’t talk about, so my only option was to dance it in front of everybody.   

At the end of this story, we know what happens to J, but I’m not quite sure that I know where your story is going. Everything okay with you?

Yeah, I’m really good! I have a new group of friends from my support group, and I’ve been doing some speaking at high schools for kids who cut. I’ve started taking salsa classes which is weird because I thought I only liked modern dance and especially solos, but there’s something really beautiful about partner dancing and, as my teacher says, “learning to yield.” I have a crush on this guy in my class who’s blind, and I want to ask him to teach me how to read Braille, because I have this idea about choreographing a dance to raised dots on the floor. I’m going to reapply for college in the fall, but until then, I’m just taking the days as they come and appreciating the good things in my life. Like this interview. Thanks for talking with me!

Thanks for the conversation, Melissa!

For more information and a complete list of the stops on this book tour, 

please visit The Teen Book Scene!

Book Review: I Am J by Cris Beam

Ever since I was little, I have always known that I was a girl. I am definitely not a "high maintenance" type of woman, but I have an inner girly-girl that will not quit. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like had I been born in a body that did not match the gender that I felt myself to be. I think it would be devastating.

Yet, this happens to people all of the time. They grow up feeling like their insides do not match their outsides. And, in our current society, the outsides are what count. To schoolmates, teachers, parents, relatives, strangers on the street. Gender is not changeable, but fixed.

I Am J is the story of a teen who identifies as transgendered. He was born "Jennifer," but has changed his name and hos outer appearance to "J."  From the start, this story is well-written and seems to capture the inner struggles and thoughts of J. Every bit about J's thoughts and his need to be accepted as a teen boy ring true. Just as a typical teen girl might try to match her teen role models, J watches young men to model his actions and reactions. Even so, learning the postures of other men is not enough; J wants to be a man.

Even though he parents are somewhat supportive, they are not understanding J's situation completely. They think (or maybe even hope) that J is a lesbian; which is not true. J is attracted to girls, but he is a boy. He just has girl parts.

But, he may not have girl features and parts for long, if he can help it. He has heard of and researched hormone therapy, and desperately wants to turn eighteen so that he can start getting testosterone shots.

Unfortunately, he's not eighteen. And, problems at home are threatening to force J out of his family's apartment and onto the street. He has a the support of his friend Melissa, but she doesn't completely understand what he's going through. It isn't until J is away from his friends and family that he can truly transition to the man he wants to be--the young man that he is.

*   *   *

As a teacher, there is nothing more difficult and wonderful than helping teens to realize their visions of who they are and who they want to become. With most teens, this process thinking about possible career paths and interests, with others the process is more laborious and deep. 

I have had the pleasure of working with a few teens who identify as transgendered. As I stated in this intro to this post, I do not know what this feels like. But, as an educator, there are lots of differences and situations that my students experience that I cannot identify with. Even though I cannot identify with the feelings and emotions of these students, I do have a responsibility to help them to find a safe place within our school where they will feel comfortable and a post-secondary experience that will allow them to transition to the next phase of their life comfortably. 

This book will find a welcome space on my classroom shelves. I can only imagine the comfort that it could bring to a transgender teen to know that they are not alone--that there are others like them who might share similar feelings, thoughts, worries. Or, this book could open the mind of many non-transgender teens, those who don't know what it feels like to go through this transition. Either way, I am happy to have read this book and cannot recommend it enough. It is a must-have for classrooms and a should-have for others interested in learning more about this topic, or in reading a good book. Because, in the end, that's exactly what it is.

This book will be released on March 1st. Check back later in March for an interview with one of the characters.  Thanks to Teen Book Scene for planning this tour!

Book Review: Bait by Alex Sanchez

I bought Alex Sanchez's Bait without knowing much about it. I was having a guilty moment in Barnes and Noble--One where I look at the pile of books that I'm about to purchase and realize that there's not a single one that's going to appeal to the teen boys in my classroom. So, I went back to the stacks and pulled this one out without even reading the back of the book. It looked masculine; that was all I needed at the time.

And, it's been sitting on my TBR shelf for sometime. I pulled it down to read this week after one of my make students asked when I was going to stock more "boyish" books. I felt guilty. So I read this one.

I am shocked at how amazing this book is. Shocked. It's so gritty, so real, so well-crafted. I cannot believe that I let it sit on my bookshelf at home for months. It's too good to not be read. It needs to be read. By boys and girls and people who work with teen boys. It's a must-read.

Actually, while reading this book I could not help but think of the recent Tyler Perry interview series with Oprah. In these interviews, Mr. Perry talked about the horrible physical and sexual abuse that he experienced as a young boy. This book is about this very subject. And, from Mr. Perry's descriptions to the way that the main character describes his guilt, anger and conflicting emotions in this book, this story rings true.

In this story, Diego is a sixteen year-old boy with anger to spare. He is constantly getting in fights and cannot control his anger, especially if someone dares to call him a gay or a "fag." He is so touchy that even his best friends are afraid of his unpredictable rages. When a fight lands him jail, Diego knows that he has to change. He meets a man named Mr. Vidas, a parole officer, and wants to spend more time with him. There's something calming about Mr. Vidas and Diego knows he needs to feel calm if he's ever going to work through his anger.

The relationship between Diego and Mr. Vidas takes a while to develop, but Diego quickly finds that he can tell Mr. Vidas anything--even the truth about what happened with his former stepfather and why Deigo feels the need to cut himself. As he shares more and more about his traumatic childhood and his suicidal thoughts, Diego starts to release his anger and feels like he's more in control of his emotions. Diego's recovery and healing are not completely finished by the time the book is over, but I had the impression that he was a changed person.

It's always difficult to talk with students about rape and sexual assault. I teach Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak and have guest speakers from our local non-profit organization come in and talk about the realities of these issues. But, there's a part of me that has always wished for a book that was aimed toward teen boys on this subject. It's almost like a taboo to talk about that fact that boys are sexually abused and assaulted. It's much more acceptable to talk about it happening to women and girls. I don't exactly know why this is, but I want to provide materials on this subject to the students in my classroom. Just in case. You never know when or how a book is going to change someone's life for the better.

Book Review + Book Giveaway: Jumpstart the World by Catherine Ryan Hyde

I read this book in one sitting. I had been saving it for a Sunday afternoon because I knew that it was going to be an easy-to-get-into read and that I wouldn't have to put it down. What I didn't plan on were the range of emotions and the huge revelations that I'd have about relationships and identity and human nature. I guess you just can't schedule that stuff in.

I've never read a Catherine Ryan Hyde book before, but now I want to read all of them. She created some of the most realistic teens that I'd ever read about in the space of less than 200 pages. Not that there is a page length requirement for reality, but I was just impressed at how quickly I recognized these characters as real people.

Jumpstart the World is the story of a teen girl named Elle who is struggling and lonely. She is alone in a way that a lot of teens I know are: Her mother is otherwise occupied in her own life, and friends don't come easy. Even more, Elle doesn't seem to be very comfortable in her own body or in her thoughts and feelings. She's a little emotionally bankrupt at the start of the book. So, when she meets her new neighbor, a kind man named Frank, she is surprised at how quickly she feels a connection with him.

Frank is a great listener. He's in his thirties and is interesting. He works as a vet tech and eats homemade chicken noodle soup made by his girlfriend. Quickly, Elle and Frank forge a friendship and a habit of good talks out on the fire escape.

And Elle starts to make friends at school. Sure, they're a little different. Outcasts, even. But they genuinely seem to like Elle and accept her for her eccentricities. She even has them over for a little "party". But, when Frank comes over for a quick hello, Elle's view of him changes. Her friends point out that Frank may be transgendered. Elle cannot deal with this, and the fact that she may have a crush on Frank. Because what does that say about her?

This cast of characters, this setting, this set of issues and problems seems very real to me. Yes, there are some less-than-plausible situations and parts of this story, but it rings true on the whole. I am happy to have this book on my classroom shelves and hope that it makes its way into the hands of someone who needs it. Whether that person be someone who's questioning their own sexuality, or thinking about identity in a much more general sense, I think that it has the potential to help.

And, I have one copy of this book for one of you! To enter, simply leave a comment with an email address. This contest is open to US residents only. Sorry to my international friends! A winner will be drawn on Monday, Nov. 15th.

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Author Guest Post: Catherine Ryan Hyde

For this author guest post, I asked Catherine Ryan Hyde to write about her choice of including a trangered character in her novel Jumpstart the World.  Here's what she had to say:

As some of you may know already, I grew up with a transgender sibling.  When I was about 13 or 14, I had to learn to call my sister my brother and switch from “she” to “he.”

I managed.  I don’t mean to make it sound like the trouble was all mine.  Sometimes I think people make too much of their own discomfort as a friend or relative of someone in transition.  Really you are not being asked to do anything but accept change.  Maybe I’m lucky, because I got a good early lesson in acceptance.  That’s the kind of lesson that comes in handy as life unfolds.

This is actually not the first time I’ve included a transgender character in one of my books. Pay It Forward---yes, Pay It Forward—contains the character of a transgender teen.  Gordy is his name.  He’s a teenage boy with a female gender expression, not really in transition yet, but presenting himself as female whenever he can get around his angry stepfather.  Unfortunately, his character never made it into the movie, so most people don’t know about Gordy.  See, that’s another good reason to read the book instead of just seeing the movie, for those interested in LGBT characters in fiction.

I knew why I wrote him into that book, too.  I was so outraged by the violence and abuse faced by transgender people.  The way someone will cross over from the other side of the street to start trouble.  To get in their faces, push them.  Ask them, “What are you?” (Uh, a human being?)  Call them “it.” When it happens to someone you care about, it’s pretty damned unbearable.  So I wanted to make that point.  Okay, it seems strange to you, fine.  Walk the other way.  Why would you even take it on as a personal problem?  You’re a total stranger.  What’s your point of engagement?  Why do you even care?

Not too long after I wrote Pay It Forward I met my friend Doug (I dedicated the book to him).  I read an article about a local transgender man (female to male) in the newspaper. I was so impressed by the courage it takes to come out like that in a small-town setting.  I didn’t know him at all, but I knew he’d just done a radio interview with a guy I know, so I got his email address and sent him a note of support.  I wanted to applaud him for that article.  In case he got any other, less supportive, notes.  He wrote back, and we’ve been friends ever since.

One thing has been experienced in common by both these transgender people in my life:  the fear and helplessness involved in a hospital stay.  When you read Jumpstart the World, if you do, you’ll see how that came into play.

I think I’m pretty disturbed by how much misunderstanding remains around the subject of transgender.  And I want to make a small contribution to clearing it up.  It’s hard for me to believe that many people still think it’s a mental illness, but there are those who still do.  Transgender people are not so disturbed that they don’t know what gender they are.  Transgender people are not so disturbed that they don’t know what gender they are.  A transgender person is someone whose insides don’t match their outsides.  It could have happened to you.  As it turns out, it didn’t.  But if it had, you’d understand, and you’d wish others would be open to understanding.  Or at least accepting.

So that’s why I wrote about the subject on more than one occasion.   Because I know from experience that when you know a transgender person, acceptance is not hard.  So, after this, maybe you’ll know Frank (from Jumpstart the World).  And maybe that will help just a little.  Maybe that will add a little understanding and acceptance to the issue.  I hope so.  I think it’s overdue.

Thanks to Catherine Ryan Hyde for visiting this blog and for writing such amazing books!

Book To Book (4)

This Book 2 Book review is inspired by Jane Eagland's Wildthorn. I received an ARC of this title as part of the Book It Forward ARC tour for this novel. Interested in signing up for an ARC tour? I highly recommend this site!

What is this feature? Book 2 Book is an idea that I had based on some conversations with fellow educators. Most English teachers that I've talked to do not participate in the YA blogging world (and I'm fairly new to it myself). Because they are not as interested or well-versed in this world as some of the bloggers I've met in my travels around the blogosphere, they might not know about the abundance of great YA available. And, so much YA can be used in the classroom.

* * *

As I was reading Wildthorn, which I basically devoured in a few short hours because I could not put it down, I could not help but think of several titles that would pair nicely with this one. So, I am going to choose a few of the titles that came to mind and talk about how each relates to the other. 

Pair Number One: Wildthorn and "The Yellow Wallpaper"

 

 One of the short stories that stands out in my mind as sickeningly sad and real is Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper".  In this short story, a woman suffering from "depression" is locked in one of the rooms of her house by her husband, a doctor. At first, she battles against her confinement, but slowly starts to accept it and no longer wants to leave the room. The reader is not sure as to whether she was actually psychotic upon entering her room, or whether the isolation causes her psychotic breakdown. By the end of the story, the woman is completely unstable and has entered the yellow wallpaper that covers the wall of her small space. 

Wilthorn is about a young girl named Louisa who in tricked into and involuntary admittance in a mental institution. She is admitted to this insane asylum, named Wildthorn, for pursuing her dreams of becoming a doctor and for not conforming to the role set forth for her by Victorian society. Though she has her wits about her when she enters, there are definite lapses in her mental state the longer she is imprisoned in this "hospital".

Both stories are set in Victorian times, though Wildthorn takes place in England and the short story is set in New England. This could be an interesting point for comparison, and could help to create a larger sense of how women were treated in the 19th century by medical professionals and their families.

Pair Number Two: Wildthorn and Girl, Interrupted 

 Even more interesting than the main character's story is the interactions she has with other patients in the mental institution. This aspect, and Louisa's attempts at breaking free, reminded of Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. Though the time periods are significantly different, there are some concurrent themes, like sexual abuse of minors, abhorrent medical treatments, and the relationships of the patients and patient/ nurse friendships.

Though Louisa is alone when she enters Wildthorn, there are two friendships that help her to continue to feel like a human and that keep her hoping that she will one day break free of the institution. Eliza is employed on the ward as a sort of low-level nurse. She and Louisa strike up a friendship (and a bit of a romance follows). Also, Louisa befriends an unfortunate girl named Beatrice. These relationships reminded me of those that Kaysen portrays in her book, which is set in America in the 1960's.  

It would be interesting to think about the comarisons and contrasts of mental health care in the late 1800's versus the mid 1900's. Unfortunately, one might find quite a few commonalities.

Pair Number Three: Wildthorn and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

 Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is one of the best books I've ever read. I know that I say this about a lot of books, but this is one of my all-time favorites. It really goes deep into American society and the expectations for "normal" American males living in the 1950's. Certainly, there are a ton of comparisons that can be drawn between the gender roles and expectations from one book to the other. 

But, the most striking relationship between these two texts are the diabolical head nurses in each story.  Reading these two books, I think that I'd expect to meet a devilish, power-hungry, just-plain-crazy nurse. In One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the infamous head nurse is named Nurse Ratched. She's pure evil. In Wildthorn, she's called Weeks.  Weeks is not quite as horrific as Nurse Ratched, but she's no one to mess with. She makes it clear to Louisa that she controls the institution and Louisa quickly understands that Weeks is not someone to mess with.

* * *

Overall, I enjoyed Wildthorn tremendously. I think that it could easily be used in a classroom, particularly in a Women's Studies or Women's Lit course. We have an English elective course at our school called Women in Society. I just might suggest this title to my colleague who teaches it!

And, thanks again to the Book It Forward ARC Tours site!

Book Review: Will Grayson, Will Grayson

What's better than reading a book by one of your favorite authors? How's about reading a book by two of your favorites? I couldn't believe it when I heard that David Levithan and John Green had teamed up to write a book. How incredible, I thought. This is going to be genius.

And then I panicked that the book would not live up to my expectations. I had visions of disappointment. I stalled in buying Will Grayson, Will Grayson, lest I have to write a bad review connected with my favorite YA author, John Green. Finally, I decided to just go ahead and read the darn book. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't really know why I was worried, because it's not like two amazing authors are going to not going to be able to write and revise and produce something incredible. I mean, talk about peer editing!

Okay, on to the review.

Meet Will Grayson. He's a little overshadowed by the leading man in his life, his larger-than-life best friend Tiny. Will is really straight and thinking about maybe being attracted to a girl that he's been hanging out with, but he's not outgoing like Tiny and is unsure of his emotions. Will is tired of playing Tiny's sidekick but doesn't know how to become the lead in his own life.

-Then-

Meet the other Will Grayson. He is living a lie. His best friend is not really his friend at all. When he meets a boy who finally seems to understand him (and who sounds super cute), he can think of no one and nothing else. Internet chat rooms and IMs and emails are not enough anymore. He wants to meet Isaac, wants to fall further in love and be loved.

-Then-

The Will Graysons collide. Not really meet, but have a collision of sorts. And once they do, their worlds will change forever.

This is an excellent read. And, lucky for you, I'm giving it away in my Lucky YOU! Giveaway. Enter to win and enjoy this read as much as I did! I don't think that you'll regret reading this one. Let's hope for more collaborations in the future.

Book Review: Ash

I do enjoy a good fairytale retold now and again, but I have to admit that it is not my favorite type of story to read. I don't know what it is about these revised stories that makes them a little less engaging for me, but it's true that I tend to read these a little slower and lose interest a little faster.

Ash by Malinda Lo is not an exception to this personal issue that I have. I started reading it a few weeks ago and finally finished it today. And, I managed to read many other books in the meantime. I just wasn't all that interested in it. At first, I though that I was really going to like this one, but it kind of stalled in the middle for me. But, if you are a lover of this genre, I think that this storyline is one of the more unique and truly retold.

This revised Cinderella tale starts in a similar vein as the original tale. Aisling (or Ash) is the beloved daughter of a wealthy man. After her mother dies, her father takes a new wife who already has two daughters of her own. Ash quickly realizes that her stepmother and stepsisters do not wish to become one big happy family. When Ash's father dies, her stepmother informs Ash that the large debt left behind by her father will be paid off through her service. As in, Ash becomes a servant.

This is where Ash deviates from the traditional Cinderella tale. Instead of a fairy godmother, there is a handsome male fairy named Sidhean. At first, Ash is drawn to him. But, she knows all of the fairy legends and understands that giving her life to Sidhean would be a permanent decision. And, there's the beautiful, strong, and independent Huntress, Kaisha. Ash realizes that there is some inexplicable draw toward this woman, but is also unsure of her feelings and is frightened of betraying Sidhean.

The end of this novel was a little too easy for my taste, but I would not say that I regret reading it. I like that Ash has a choice between a male and female lover. This was an unexpected twist, but not unappreciated. I would recommend this book to those who love fairy tales and anyone open to revising the traditional picture of love in our oldest stories.